After Christmas and New Year I am starting the new year off with sending in my application. YAY!!!! I am so  excited,…

“I’ve exchanged the carefree for the pain of God.

I didn’t want this. I wanted to look away.

His heart is heavy with the pain of suffering for the people He created. The people for whom He died.”

http://www.incourage.me/2010/10/the-pain-of-god.html

Two nights ago I watched a documentary on Hunger in this world. It does take quite something to shake me up, but that film did just that. The really sad part was that I felt so much of this hunger is preventable, it does not have to be.

People not caring in the least for the other, no compassion there at ALL.,…

But then life goes on and I found myself sitting in a work event last night and it basically dealt with security issues due to Cyber Terrorism. And the real fear of the experts is that our infrastructure will be damaged – so that we will not have any water, electricity etc.

And while I do think that would be terrible I also know that it is not the end of the world. I lived with water on and off in Nicaragua, with blackouts in Israel and it all is a matter of getting “used to it”. No joy there, but not a real problem either.

SO,..the real news is that;:::::……..yesterday I also started to work on my application to Newlife. I am really excited, shaken (to be completely honest),..

But I know that God will be there with me, help me serve these women, learn,..and share the good news of our savior.

Philippians 4:8 was the bible passage the first weekend of church in the US was based on for me. To do what is right, and to think about such things I thought I had.But it all changed when I learned what Jesus had done for me. Paid the ultimate price, sacrificed his life.

But at that point in time for me that was just like the story from Neverland.

My father always said in true Marxist fashion that Religion is opium for the masses. That it does not solve problems, but merely helps people forget about them.

I had tried to understand that- to adopt that as my worldview, but God had other plans for me. After spending a few months in church, listening to the Gospel being preached, being really ministered to I began to believe. For me it was about “unlearning” what I had been taught and learning what is true.

Spending time with true believers was the real blessing I had. It is till this date. A community in Christ is the most beautiful gift of God for his people.

Going back, leaving that community was hard. Coming back to my old life, with the old values, friends and family was difficult. I knew they are all lost. Lost in this world, lost in their own misery and not knowing Jesus.

I know God is the one who can change that. In my daily prayers I pray for their salvation. Just like I am sure mine was prayed for by my new family in the US.

I am now called to leave my old life behind once more, to minister to those who are in need.  I want to work in a missionary clinic and become a midwife. I know this is what I am called to do. Please join me in prayer on my journey. I would be glad to share my walk with you.

Being obedient is key here for me.

This is truly where it starts with me. I got off an airplane after 17 hours of flights and a long stop in Chicago. First time for me to cross the ocean and to come to the United States. Nashville.

I was supposed to learn English, get to know the American Way of life,…but what all can change in a few months.

After all this time being awake I got home to a house full of girls my age. To be honest I was just overwhelmed- my fine english skills had deserted me and all seemed so surreal.

The next morning I woke up to a Bible Study/Retreat for Young Girls from Church. My host parents had sweetly agreed to host these girls so I could get to know them.

And as I sat down I could do nothing but think – where in the world do these girls live? Values from another century was my first thought. But I was impressed with their kindness and their efforts to include me.

Having been brought up between demonstrations to stop atomic energy and a socialist youth organization I could not tell you what I was more shocked about- the idea that Jesus would mean everything to these folks or that I was residing in the countryside now.

Now after much of a journey I am once again at a crossroad. I have to do the thing that God is asking of me. Not live the life that is comfortable, that I have worked so hard to achieve. God is telling me to give that up, to trust in HIM and to give back.

I want to follow, I want to be the one that is called on and listens,  just gets up and goes.

Lord, give me the strength to walk down your path. To seek your love. To live for you, alone!

Please let me find compassion, love and grace!